LIFE and the pursuit of happiness

	Nov. 14th, 2004 @ 09:59 pm

im so tired of work

and of life in general

i cant deal with having no time to do anything

i am trying to start helping at church

when do i have time

all my days off im doing something with school

and im barely making it

i am done with this crap

Current Mood:

discontent

	Oct. 16th, 2004 @ 02:57 pm

in oregon
time to relax and veg out
if you are in oregon as well...call me well hang out

now back to relaxation
aaaahhhhhh

	Oct. 14th, 2004 @ 12:24 am

another one down
another one bites the dust

	Oct. 7th, 2004 @ 12:56 pm

i finally have internet at the apartment. its nice to be able to check my email without driving 15 minutes.

ive had a great few weeks. they are definately eventful.

i love school and chapel(yeah i know im surprised too)

i just got a offer of a job at a new store, the new manager called me. its nice cause she is my friend and we get along great. im looking forward to working with her is the big boss gives the ok.

i havent gotten to bed before 2 am the last week and a half. i dont understand why. although hanging out till 2 with great company is a good reason. :)

Other entries

» (No Subject)
i will not apologize for who i am i will not push myself to fit in i will not change who i am for anything i will not care about opinions i will not waste my time with lost causes i will not lose what i have become i will not apologize for who i am Sep. 22nd, 2004 @ 10:29 am (8 comments \| Leave a comment)

» (No Subject)
things are better got car back its fixed, only 200 dollars later not as bad as it could have been so im happy i love worship it always grounds my perceptions for the day i had a realization the other day, kinda took me by surprise and life goes on Sep. 8th, 2004 @ 02:23 pm (2 comments \| Leave a comment)

my day so far

1:30 wake up to late for church

2:30 leave for work

2:35 car dies on way to work

2:37 push car into parking lot

2:50 park car in parking lot

2:51 have heart attack as i realize my phone is missing

2:53 restart heart, look for phone

3:05 find phone battery in middle of street, find phone on side of road
(note phone had been run over by a car....fun)

3:45 tow truck arrives

4:00 arrive home without car

lets recap

car wont start
phone run over by car
missed work

status of day :::: really really crappy

the end
Sep. 5th, 2004 @ 07:18 pm

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why is it that every time i step foot on campus, i get hit with some depression like nothing else. i am so amazed at how hard it hit me to. it sucked to ....until i understood and recognized what was happening. until i accepted the fact that i didnt have to be depressed that i didnt have to give in to that which debilitates. im looking to God for what i need right now. As for other things i beleive the will work out in time. God works in His time.
Aug. 24th, 2004 @ 07:06 pm

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» back at life

so i got back to sunny (and hot!!!) california on saturday. its been kinda a trying week for me. i have crap i have to find and get done for my apartment application (even though im already living in the apartment) i have money issues....oh man do i have money issues. i have had to buy a desk for my computer and im getting a mattress this weekend. since i couldnt bring any of my stuff down with me( again no money...) i had to buy everything. but the place is mostly up and running now. we got our fridge, and food in it, and that is pretty much all we need. school just started this morning for me. i dont really know what to think about school this year. im off campus andthat is great the place is bigger and i can actually cook for myself (rather than eat ramen and whatever the cafe happens to be reheating) the thing is im away from the action. everything that happens on campus im cut off from. i have a lot of friends here but i have barely seen any of them. "hey how ya doing " as we pass each other is the extent of it. though there are some things that i have not missed about school.....DRAMA. being off campus does have its advantages in this area, but it still seems to catch up to me. oh well maybe things can be set straight soon, hopefully. this are definitely different this year. sometimes different is good.
Aug. 19th, 2004 @ 12:46 pm

so eah my last post was in credibly boring and depressing so im going to at least try and compensate for that. i spent most of the late morning early afternoon walking around downtown portland taking pictures and assisting the main instructor with all the people that came. (the complany i work for offers photo classes) i got paid well for the time. and i met some cool people and the best part ...i got to take some pictures which i havent done in very very very long time. it was nice stress relieving and enjoyable. i love pictures. the customers well they are intersting.

customer: how do you do...(insert anything here)

me: well you do this...(organized steps to achieve desired effect)

customer: but what about .....(something that doesnt apply AT ALL to what they want to do)

me: well that is true but that doesnt effect... (what ever effect they wanted in the first place)

or

customer: what does this do? (points to button and/or switch on camera)

me: that is the... (insert correct title and function here)

customer: no thats not. it's ....(insertsome random off the wall, not to mention incorrect, function and/or switch here)

me: uhuh....hmmm ...(thinking in my head, "why in heavens name did you ask me a question when you already knew the answers, albeit incorrect ones?")

customer: well?

me: ( thinking...why me? why me? )

shakes head and walks off....
Jul. 26th, 2004 @ 12:46 am

so yeah i havent updated in a very long time. i just got done getting yelled at by some guy playing poker online. he was cussingup a storm and insulting a bunch of people and i pointed out how his ranting made no sense and he was just yellling needlessly at people. people like that are so common and yet it is so sad to see someone hurting so much that they lash out at whoever they can even faceless people playing online poker. i now have another reason for becoming a psycholgist. maybe i can help people change their circumstances. what most people ralize is that their world is the product of an internal decision. i think pastor said this one time and i thin it applies here....life is 20 % what happens to you and 80% what your response is to what happens to you. ah i dont know why this bothers me so much. on to happier things.
uh i cant think of any.
Jul. 26th, 2004 @ 12:28 am

i havent updated in forever...
i guess i havent had much to say....summer has been sucking the life out of me....
anyway...

i guess i ve been noticing how different i am from people...
im not better than they are or anything ....im not thinking like that
im just different....
its not a bad thing...i hope

how have i changed so much in only a few months? nine to be exact
i guess God has a way of teaching us so we never forget

i miss bowling and poker
denny's and downtown disney

i miss learning....i used to learn so much
now all i learn is meaningless
perhaps its because of my mindset....i hope so
Jul. 13th, 2004 @ 12:08 am

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there comes a point in everyones life where you look back and remember who you were. you see the changes outlined in pain, in hurt, in hardship. i have seen those changes in my own eyes. for the first time in my life i can say that i am happy. i like where i am. i like who i am, and i like where my life is going.
i am also blessed by so many great friends. thanks to all of you.

one thing i do need......a better job....the same job as LA but half the pay.......WTF?!?!?!?!?

i might get my commute cut by 90% though thats nice. wont have to get up at the butt crack of dawn.

sleep......it must be sacrificed for the greatter good..
Jun. 22nd, 2004 @ 11:16 pm

» (No Subject)
i could not help myself .....i liked the book of the bible quiz... You are Proverbs. Which book of the Bible are you? brought to you by Quizilla Jun. 19th, 2004 @ 12:50 am (1 comment \| Leave a comment)

» sweet

so i just got back from the doctors...the doctors you say....yeah i am diabetic as many know. i just recieved a new insulin pump today

now this might not be a big deal for most people. what does it do? why is it such a big deal well. well first off i can take care of my blood sugar better now. its easy more stream lined and a lot faster. it looks cooler too. not to mention the fact that i am a techno geek and well its really cool. wireless connections and sensors and such. this is cutting edge stuff. yeah it cost me well the thing cost 5 grand. thank God for insurance though. anyway. i am a happy little nerd now.

Jun. 15th, 2004 @ 11:25 am

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» ????

so this has been life for the past 48 hours...

tuesday

-wake up late (feeling: down)
-go to work (sucked, feeling: frustrated)
-deal with stupid customers...(crappy, feeling: anger)
-coffee with lauren (mood lifting, feeling: at peace)
-drive home(relaxing, feeling: patient)
-sleep (rejuvenating, feeling:restful...duh)

wednesday

-wake up....late...again (feeling: contemplative)
-go to work....find out im an hour early (grrrrrrrrrr, feeling:how stupid can i be?)
-deal with MORE stupid customers ALL day (honestly[english accent], feeling: detached)
-drive home (determined, feeling: determined)
-watch tv ( , feeling: "more interesting than my day")
Jun. 10th, 2004 @ 12:29 am

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the time has come to hide behind
a mask of wood and steel
to see through sockets cut for you
with your own wounded hands
welcome to the masquerade

what of the mask that you now hold?
what good will hiding do?
all are hidden behind their masks
who knows whos truth is true
you fit in the masquerade

will you let down your mask
and show your face so dark?
will you let down guard
and let someone see your spark
you stop the masquerade

be new, be free
from hiding the dark
be tall, be bold
to show your shining light
you break the masquerade

you stand before
the one who sees
through every persons mask
you fall before
the one who knows
all the pain of death's digust
continues their masquerade
Jun. 4th, 2004 @ 11:24 pm

alas i agree with liz what has happened to haiku fridays...or am i just that far behind ?

i want to go there
ci never saw this coming
i need some money

so i started work up in god old lake oswego....twp things about lake oswego...one its not good, its boring (the official L-pac ;o) word of teh summer) i sell less there in a week than i could sell in cali in an hour...i need a break and ive only been there five days...two it is old these rich old snobish fat jerks parade into the store like thye are the king of prusia or something, then proceed to berrate me, not only in front of my co-workers but the other customers as well, then expect me to go out of my way to kiss their fat old butt. uh NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok it was nice to get that out

anyway
i went to see shrek two with my friends last night it was great i had dinner with one of my newest friends and we discussed many things mostly human interaction and how so many people screw it up. we then picked up one of my other new friends and proceeded to gorge ourselves on popcorn and pop (yes, to those californians, i did say pop, deal with it) as we watched Shrek two. which might i add is a wonderful movie and almost better than the first one though they are both great. i havent laughed that much at little detaisl in a long time. i havent laughed that uch when no one else laughed in a long time either. i am either much more intelligetn than most of the other people in the theater or i am just easily amused (i vote the first onem but hey, im biased) so anyway hopefully i am heading out on another vacations soon, to where you might ask? well youll just have to figure that out for youself. could be anywhere.
Jun. 4th, 2004 @ 11:01 pm

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